I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
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You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
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I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Also, beer. Big fan.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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