Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
im holly from the hills drunk
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize