i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
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Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
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Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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