how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
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and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
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I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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