No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize