I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
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It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
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I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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