And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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