I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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