We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize