eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
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Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
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I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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