yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
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I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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