I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize