Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
it's like iHOP with fire
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
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He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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