I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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