I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
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Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
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He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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