There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i think i have two assholes
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
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Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
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Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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