After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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