You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
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Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
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Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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