um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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