people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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