I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
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I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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