Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize