i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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