This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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