Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
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I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
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Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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