First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
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I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
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