u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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