You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
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Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
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Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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