sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize