what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
There was a lot of him and a little penis
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
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My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
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That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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