some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
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Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Drake has all the answers
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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