Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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