i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
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That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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