I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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