He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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