Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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