Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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