this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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