I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize