Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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