Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize