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Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Randomize
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