No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
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ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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