I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
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Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
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He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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