You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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