maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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