he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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