don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
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Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
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My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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