You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize