Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
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I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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